Little Bang Theory

John McCain’s Secret Weapon. August 29, 2008

Today, Presidential Hopeful John McCain unleashed on the unsuspecting masses of American voters his Secret Weapon:

…his vagina.

The disclosure of his choice of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his VP running mate smacks of little more than pandering to those disaffected Hillary supporters who believe that the Numero Uno qualification for becoming the next President of the United States is being a woman.

Now, don’t get me wrong – we seriously need to get beyond the Boys Only mentality which has poisoned the American political process for lo these, oh, two hundred and thirty-odd years.

But Palin??

John, you doddering old hormone, what could you have been thinking? This girl was just learning to wear Big Girl Pants about the time you started farting dust into your Depends. And if you thought you looked old yesterday, wait ’till the Country sees you next to Herself over the course of the next two months.

And since you are sorta old and in, um, sub-optimal health, shouldn’t we all seriously consider what it would mean for our collective futures to have President Gidget handling the next global crisis to come down the pike?

Really, John, I know she shoots a mean hoop, but you just traded your “Obama’s too inexperienced” card for a handful of schwing voters who were probably already in your camp.

Personally, the last thing I look for in a VP is Teh Cutez.

But hey, what do I know.

Actually, I know this: a McCain/Palin ticket raises the specter of having another oil man woman in the Executive Branch of our government, one who would doubtless lobby hard for the opening of ANWAR to drilling, such deals being to the economic benefit of the dozens of people who live in Alaska.

Overall, my general take on the subject is that McCain’s choice of Governor Palin as a running mate will only garner votes from shallow fools who think with their Little Heads or don’t give a Rat’s Ass about the facts as they relate to their own and their children’s futures; it’s all about appearances and the smoke-and-mirrors of the modern political Carnival of Bullshit. And what American would fall for that?

Damn – I think I just scared myself.