Little Bang Theory

The North Quabbin Garlic And Arts Festival! September 17, 2007

So here it is as promised, the Full Report:

I drove out to Orange (the Town that Rhymes with Nothing) this afternoon to see what was shakin’ at the annual Garlic Festival.

When I got to the point on the skanky little back roads where the traffic was stopped and there were cars parked along the road, well, I parked along the road and started walking.

Little did I know.

A mile and a half of steep hills later, I passed under this banner:

You and me both, pal!

So I paid the lady FIVE WHOLE DOLLARS and went in.

And as advertised, it was a huge conflagration of Hilltown Hippyheads, all tye-died and squinty-eyed, dreads and birkenstocks and braided armpits…

It was cool.

And colorful:

That’s a rare uncrowded moment for Teh Camera.

There were two stages, powered entirely by solar panels and doing quite well, thank you. I got there just in time to catch the end of an exciting show by the Bamidele Dancers and Drummers:

Kicked my ass, they did. And I loved the Festival motto, strung proudly across the top of the stage, and the solar panels down front!

A short walk took me to the “Family Stage,” a less amplified venue where Teh Chilluns was being indoctrinated with socialist concepts like inclusiveness and sharing, i.e. they were invited up front to dance:

Fuckin’ socialists are gonna be the ruination of America.

But beyond the overt objective of providing food and fun for the community and the covert objective of poisoning our kids with the devil-cultures of Places Not American, there was a serious and, dare I use the term, hopeful aspect to this Hill-town Hoe-down. A major theme, evident wherever you looked, was that of Green and Sustainable Living. From the numerous kiosks espousing the local production of biodiesel fuel from post-consumer restaurant oils

to the information available about solar hot water and photovoltaic panels, to the extraordinary job the organizers did to ensure that the festival’s footprint would be minimal:

That’s right, read the small print on the yellow sign. The clear “plastic” cups and the disposable tableware, all made from corn starch, and all compostable! Turns out there are quite a few options for compostable tableware, plates and cups and spoons and forks and so on.

Funny how we in America only know about the petroleum-based alternatives, eh?

At any rate, last year’s festival, with thousands of attendees, generated one small bag of trash. It will be interesting to learn how we did this year.

Oh, and because garlic is a Wonder-Food and second in my esteem only to pussy, we mustn’t forget to honor the only Super Hero in attendance at this year’s festival…

Garlic Man!!! …and Clifford the Tofu Pup.

I’m still struggling with the realization that I had a half-hour conversation with a bulb of garlic and loved every minute of it. This guy was a hoot, the real deal, the cat’s ass, and underneath it all, a fine architect. Who’da thunk?

But finally, with the sun sinking low and my wallet growing thin, it was time to seek out the object of my culinary curiosity, the Fabled Food of Fanatics, the Gastronomic Non Sequitur known as…

Check the lower left, if you dare…

YES, GARLIC ICE-CREAM!!! And here it is Folks, about to go over the lips and gums and down the hatch:

And I’m here to tell you peeps, it was… well, it was kind of…

…interesting.

Quite the arresting juxtaposition, sweet home-made ice cream (and Bart’s is quite good) laced with small chunks of toasted garlic.

I recommend that you don’t miss it, but don’t run over any puppies in your rush to get there.

So all in all a great afternoon of music, people watching, heightened environmental awareness and sensorial adventures.

I’m already looking forward to next year!

And a parting thought from the fine folks who kept our collective footprint so unbelievably small:

True Dat.