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The Continuing War On Christmas December 11, 2007

Posted by littlebangtheory in Love and Death, Politics and Society.

Residents of the sleepy town of Dalton, Massachusetts were stunned to wake today to the grisly sight of Santa, Rudolph, Frosty and a nearly naked Mrs. Claus, apparently slain in a brutal drive-by shooting outside of 69 Christian Lane, where they had gathered to strategize about their Neighborhood Gift Dispersal Plan.


Two Elves were also slain in the incident; their identities are being withheld pending notification of their next of kin.

An anonymous neighborhood resident, Mrs. Holly Bibble, told police she had witnessed the terrorist attack shortly after 6am today.

“It was horrible,” she sobbed. “I was lookin’ out because I saw a funny little car goin’ back and forth, and it weren’t makin any noise, and I thought that was odd. Then they rolled down a window and screamed somethin’ about their ‘establishment havin’ claws ‘ or somethin, then they just opened up on Poor Santy and Ooh, It Was Horrible!

Police Forensic Experts confirmed the presence of tire tracks unique to the Toyota Prius. Authorities are urging motorists in the Tri-State Region to be on the lookout for any hybrid cars carrying bearded men. They are believed to be members of the Atheist Terrorist Group First Freedom First, which has ties to both Al-Qaida and Rasputin.

Details at eleven.


1. Phydeaux S - December 11, 2007

Oh. My. Fucking. Ceiling Cat.

That is hilarious!

btw, I just posted the continuation of the Splotchy virus, whilst ye were a’commenting!

2. Tengrain - December 11, 2007

More of the Splotchy Virus? This story fits right in.



3. Mathman6293 - December 11, 2007

It was only a matter of time before someone had enough of those Jolly Sleigh Riders.

4. distributorcap - December 11, 2007

is bill o’reilly a suspect

5. Miz Lu(mena) - December 11, 2007

Enquiring minds need to know: memorial services?

6. DCup - December 11, 2007

Good riddance to bad rubbish say I.

Those guys were nuthin’ but trouble anyway.

7. littlebangtheory - December 11, 2007

HAHAHA Ten, I hadn’t thought of it that way, but now that you mention it…

Mathman, I know. When they put the boom-box on the sleigh and started blaring the Wayne Newton tunes, I figured they’d about jumped the shark.

D-Cap, this could indeed be a double-cross frame-up. Billious would certainly throw the Old Man under the bus if he thought he’d get some splashed on Teh Left!

And Miz Lu, arrangements are being made.

Hey DCup, how’d you sneak in here? You weren’t there when I first responded! *sneaky women…*

8. Mauigirl - December 15, 2007

This was hysterical, very good.

BTW, Phydeaux tagged me with the Splotchy virus so there is another chapter over by me!

9. littlebangtheory - December 15, 2007

Just scoped it, Mg. Very cool. And you led me to Mary Ellen, who rocks!!!

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